yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
