thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
