I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Can I color on your dick again?
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize