discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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