Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
