We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Randomize
