well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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