history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
