I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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