wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
