i don't want you to think of me as your TA
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
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