You're a womanizer and a bitch.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize
