wrigley field is MILF paradise
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
