I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
my shit smells like andre
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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