I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Randomize
