Redeem this text for a blowjob
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
