New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
