with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
