I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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