Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
As shirtless as possible
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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