so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
