so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
