I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Randomize