btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize