As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
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