as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
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