why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
