so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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