mondays should just be called national damage control day
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
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