Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
