The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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