I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
