Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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