I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
