This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
