Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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