if i can run in heels then i can drive
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
