I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
