I'm so fucking centered right now
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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