remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
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