If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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