That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize