When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
