I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Green mimosas i think yes
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
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