We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
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