dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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