i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
