google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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