we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
