She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
