Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
