I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
