My brain says no but my pants say off.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
