here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
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