Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Randomize
