Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
