I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Randomize
