But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
