and next time when you feel me up, do it right
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
