He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I can't turn off my feet"
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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