my mouth tastes like poor choices
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
