he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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