I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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