having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
My feet surprised me
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
