we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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