so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize