I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
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