Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
