i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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