I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
