His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize
