Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
