You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
