I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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