btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize
