bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
